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Welcome to iParent, the new blog from the folks at Insight for Parents. The iParent blog is a place for interactive content, videos, audio, surveys, podcasts, slideshows and more. Jump in and join a community of parents just like you. Stay tuned!

In Their Eyes

by John Adair

  The mysteries of this world never cease.

My 2-year-old son has a strange habit. When he wakes up in the morning or from his nap, he makes his way from his bed directly to his closed bedroom door, lies down flat on his stomach, and gazes through the crack beneath it. Then he waits. He has a room full of toys that I imagine would better attract his attention, yet he waits. He has a pile of blocks to build towers that he can “go Godzilla” on, yet he waits. He waits for someone—anyone—to walk by, in the hopes he might be able to rope him or her in to his escape plan.

Here’s the thing, though: he can open doors! He opens the office door when I’m working. He opens the front door when we’re not looking. He opens the pantry door and plays with the trash can. But he will not open that bedroom door. He won’t even try.

When I think about this habit, a couple of things come to mind. First, while lying there, he wants nothing more than to be on the other side of that door. He wants very much to be in his mother’s and my world. He wants to see what we are doing and participate in it with us. He wants to spend time with us.

Second, his vision is limited because of the small space between the door and the carpet. He can’t see beyond what the small space allows. He certainly can’t see what’s going on in the living room around the corner. And most importantly, because he is so focused on seeing through the crack, he doesn’t realize that he can simply open the door to go where he wants to be.

As a parent, I find my son’s behavior mystifying but also instructive. Whenever I see him through the crack beneath the door, I think about how much I’d like to be in his world. I want to know his mind more fully so that I can better train and guide him toward Christlikeness. Jesus told us that the greatest commandments are to love God and to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). When it comes to our kids, the ability to fulfill this second commandment—an ability that ultimately is given by the Holy Spirit—involves knowing them well (seeing the world through their eyes). We need this so that we can serve them in a way that will be of most help to their spiritual growth.

In the attempt to see through his eyes, I also recognize my own limited vision of him. In effect, I, too, am looking through the crack under the door. No parent has been blessed with a God’s-eye view of the world. Therefore, our responses to our kids should always reflect a certain measure of humility. Remembering that we, too, are sinners who struggle to stay on the right path should temper our response to our kids. It should ensure that our interaction with them is seasoned with grace and mercy while avoiding the awful trap of hypocrisy. Ephesians 6:4 teaches us that we are not to provoke our children to anger. This occurs when we come off as autocrats who care little for the difficulties our kids face. They get most frustrated when our direction seems to come out of nowhere. Rather, we should teach them discipline from our own example while rooting everything we teach in the Scriptures.

Seeing the world from our children’s perspective allows parents to have greater insight into what our kids need to become more like Christ. But adopting that mentality also involves adopting humility as a way of life. It can’t be all about us. To truly serve and help our kids, our lives must be turned outward, toward both Christ and our kids (the same focus of Jesus’s two great commands—God and others). Just as living the kind of life that would best serve God involves seeing the world through His eyes, living the kind of life that would most help our kids involves seeing the world through their eyes.

(Photo by flattop341.)

An Ordinary Home Can Be a Holy Place

by Barb Peil

The word holy means “set apart” for a specific purpose—like the linen and silverware you use only on holidays. As a place where the truth about God and His Word is modeled, your home can be a holy place—set apart for His children to grow. “Our home? Holy?” Yes! But . . .

It Starts at the Top.

Deciding to make your home a holy place begins with you and your spouse’s choice to make your relationship with the Lord a part of your everyday lives. Welcome Him into every conversation, decision, and relationship that crosses your threshold. When you pray together, remember the little things. Remember too, spiritual talk isn’t reserved for Sunday. in fact, many times . . .

It Happens at the Dinner Table.

In between “pass the carrots” and “chew with your mouth closed, please” often comes the opportunity to talk about how you and your children’s lives are different because you love God. As a parent, why not share something you’re learning in your Bible study or through your prayer life? Invite your kids to contribute too—you might be surprised at how God is working in their hearts. But remember . . .

It Takes a Good Eye.

It takes discernment to spot significant junctions in your children’s spiritual maturity. What are their worries? Their questions and observations about life provide perfect prompts to talk about spiritual issues. These teachable moments come when you least expect them. Sometimes they’re cleverly wrapped in traffic jams or waiting rooms, over a mound of dishes in the sink, or at a checkerboard breakfast table. The important moments happen when you model your relationship with God as a natural part of your daily lives. At these pivotal moments . . .

It Matters What You Say.

It matters what you say and how you say it. If your tone of voice changes every time you say spiritual words, your kids will conclude that your relationship with God is fake too. Be real. Let your conversation about God be as natural as talking with them about their friends or family members. Encourage their questions, even if you don’t know the answers. They won’t mind your not knowing, if you can discover the answer together in God’s Word. And while we’re talking about talking . . .

It Matters How You Pray.

When you became a parent, you decided from that moment on to let your heart run around outside your body. At times, the only communications that can reach your children are the conversations you have with God about them. As you pray, think through their day. What challenges do they face? Pray for their strength as you iron their shirts, pray for their health as you fix them nourishing meals. Plead for their protection as you watch them with their friends. Pray for them with your spouse after you tuck them in at night. The result will be . . .

Growing Closer to God as a Family.

As parents, decide to be a spiritual influence in your home—setting it apart as a place where your relationship with God is as real as the kitchen sink. Together, serve God as you serve each other—with an honest attentiveness and a willingness to be involved in every family member’s growing awareness of God’s plan for their lives.

Taken from “An Ordinary Home Can Be a Holy Place,” Insights, March 2000. Copyright © 2000, Insight for Living. All rights reserved worldwide.

Happy Mother's Day!

Today, most of us who are blessed enough to still have someone mothering us - whether a mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, even an aunt or sister - will try to find a way to say "Thank you" for patiently, selflessly loving us. Take a moment and pay tribute to the mothers in your life by sharing the great lessons they have taught you.

Photo by Piero Sierra

Shake It Up a Little

 

Photo by Lenore M. Edman

   

by David Carl

As I get older, I am starting to see a pattern emerging in my life. My attention is getting more focused—that’s a good thing. I don’t like my schedule to be disrupted too much—not so good. I am getting increasingly set in my ways—not good at all. It has become very clear to me in the last several years that one of the most obvious characteristics of a disciple of Christ is that he or she is enthusiastically in a state of change. None of us “arrives” as a Christian—we are always on the journey.

I am prone to avoid change and disruption, but if I do, I will become the thing that has been the cause of so much secular finger-wagging: I will become the controlling, unconcerned Christian. I really don’t want to become that guy—Jesus was not that guy. Instead, I want to be wholly rooted in Scripture and willing to jettison anything that keeps me from pursuing Him. I have made a list of things that I want to do this year to “shake it up”—to keep myself open and winsome and spiritually agile. Here are a couple of them. 

1. Occasionally, worship with Christians from other traditions.

I was raised Presbyterian/Baptist/Evangelical Free. A great way for me to shake it up is to worship at an Anglican or a contemporary church, to visit both large congregations and small start-ups. They all worship God differently, with various traditions and styles. Many of the churches I’ve visited I wouldn’t want to attend every week, but it is so good to see wonderful people serving God in different ways.

2. Take a day of silence and solitude.

I have long wanted to do this, but it is completely out of my comfort zone. I feel down deep that I need to cultivate the disciplines of silence and solitude in order to understand things I have not understood before. There is a lot to this—and most of it I don’t yet comprehend—but I’m going to start learning. Jesus went away for silence and solitude often; I guess I could start and do it once.

My list includes other ideas, but I want to encourage you to make up some of your own. Open up the windows of your life and let the wind blow through. Shake it up, and don’t let yourself become controlling and unconcerned. Don’t let yourself become “that guy” or “that gal.”

One great way to refresh you and your family is to bring your kids along with you on the Insight for Living 2008 Alaska Cruise this July. David Carl and his wife, Cathy will be ministering to the elementary-age kids all week long!. Visit  www.insight.org/events for more information.

David Carl serves as the creative director for Insight for Kids and Insight for Parents at Insight for Living.

What makes a great family vacation?

Family vacations don't have to be extravagant to be memorable. Sometimes the best times are had doing simple things - time in the car on the road, sightseeing at national monuments, or camping.

Tell us about your best family vacations.

(Photo by Lisa B)

“Fixing Foundation Problems” by Wayne Stiles

My grandmother’s old house came the closest to a home away from home for me. Built in 1909, it endured countless repairs, two roofs, and around twenty-seven sets of wallpaper.

One winter I noticed in a high corner the wallpaper had buckled and split. When I questioned my grandmother she commented: “The house needs foundation work. Every time the seasons change or the wind blows a different direction, the whole house shifts.” That made sense. In the past twenty years I bet I’ve shaved an inch off all doors trying to get them to close. But the repair lasted only until the wind shifted again.

Now look closely at the lives of many people you know, and you’ll see this old house’s problem played out in vivid display. When one marriage hits the rocks, another one follows with barely equal success. When some addiction seems conquered, you see in its place one more of equal devastation. Job after job, church after church, relationship after relationship, when the walls of their lives get wrinkled or ripped, their solution is often to paper over the tear with a fresh print . . . and just start over. Maybe you’ve even had a few sets of wallpaper yourself.

The problem, of course, lies not with the wallpaper, the walls, or even the wind (returning to the old house’s metaphor). These remain but symptoms of the real problem: a poor foundation.

When the devil tempted the first humans to disobey, their cunning enemy appealed to emotions by discrediting God’s Word (Genesis 3:4–6). Satan’s tactics haven’t changed. If he can get us to doubt God’s truth—or simply to stay unaware of it—we have nothing left to base our decisions on except emotion and common sense. Both inadequate foundations.

I wish I could count how many couples sat in my pastoral office and confessed they just “don’t love each other anymore.” Because their feelings had changed, they assumed they had missed true love. But God never intended feelings to guide us.

What circumstance do you find yourself in today where emotion has demanded its way? Your marriage? Your kids’ schooling? Your integrity on the job?

Watch out.

When we make decisions based on any other foundation but God’s Word, we sit at the mercy of any wind’s whim. No marriage will endure. No salary will satisfy. No job, church, or relationship will last. How can they when we base them on feelings that constantly shift?

God’s Word remains a sure foundation for our lives, true. But we only enjoy its benefits when we obey it.

How do you say, "I love you?"

Photo by Mary Bingham

As we celebrate love this month, the iParent blog team wants to know... What do you do to show your child you love him or her? Are there any special Valentines Day traditions you have? Please share them with our readers.

He Sleeps with a Diaper—by Michael J. Svigel

“Oh, oh! I almost forgot! He sleeps with a diaper.”

 “Most babies do.”

 “No, no, I mean he sleeps with it. He cuddles it.”

 “What?”

 “Yeah, I know, it’s crazy. He used to have this little blue blanky that grandma made him, but one night his diaper came loose and the Velcro strap got attached to the blanky. By morning he was cuddling up to the wet diaper. We thought it was funny. We even took a picture of it. But the next night he pushed his blanky away and was cuddling his diaper again. (What a mess that was.) So now we just, you know, put him to bed with a wet diaper to cuddle.”

 “Wet?”

 “Yeah, that’s the worst part. He got used to the diaper being wet. So we just run it under the water for a few seconds, let it soak in, then just, you know, let him have it. It’s the only way he’ll go to sleep at night. Poor little guy. If he doesn’t have his wet diaper he’ll just scream and holler all night.”

* * *

 Okay, so this may seem a bit extreme. But it does illustrate an important lesson I learned very early on in this long haul journey called parenthood: my kids will expect whatever I condition them to expect. If I keep the house absolutely quiet when baby’s napping, baby will require absolute silence to nap. If I rock baby in the rocking chair and sing Amazing Grace to get her to sleep at night, I better get used to rocking and singing, because that’s what baby will expect. If I run into baby’s room every time I hear my toddler call my name, he’s going to expect me to come running. And when I delay, he’ll let me hear about it. If I give my son or daughter T.V. time whenever they do their chores, that “privilege” quickly becomes the status quo—an entitlement that better be kept. And, yes, I suppose if you get your infant used to cuddling a wet Pamper, you’d better double your diaper budget!

 Though I’m sure parenting books address this issue, my wife and I learned this one on our own. And we put this principle of kid conditioning to good use in several ways.

 First, we decided early on that we’d keep household noise at normal levels when the kids slept. Rather than tip-toeing around and whispering, we talked, laughed, worked, and watched T.V. as normal. Our theory was that the kids would get used to sleeping in noisy surroundings. So far, it’s worked. No walking on eggshells at the Svigel house.

 Second, we made sure we didn’t habitually resort to methods of soothing our children that we weren’t prepared to continue indefinitely. Allowing the kids to climb in bed with us every night wouldn’t make it. Rocking them to sleep wasn’t an option. Running into the room ten times a night to tell them to stop talking wasn’t an acceptable part of the evening routine. The result? Kids are in bed by 8:00 p.m. and we have a few hours of mommy and daddy time.

 Third, we established habits for our kids that we wanted to keep up. Sometimes this can be the best way to force lazy-leaning parents to do what they’re supposed to do anyway. So, every night my kids expect us to pray with them. Every night they expect a story from dad—usually something with a built-in lesson for little hearts. If the kids didn’t expect these things (even need them to make bed time complete) I’m sure those important rituals would just go the way of other good intentions. But we used this kid-conditioning principle to condition us.

 Wet diapers aren’t meant to be cuddled. That much is certain. Still, this absurd and (as far as I know) fictional example of allowing kids to condition us rather than the other way around can serve as an important reminder. Kid conditioning is real. But like a double-edged blade, it can cut in two directions—it can be a way of digging unhealthy ruts in our parenting patterns. . . or it can be used as a means of instilling healthy habits in pliable hearts.

Lying Is Not So Bad

The folks at Insight for Kids have added another clever video to the Teaching Bad Theology series. Check it out:

If you are hoping to compromise your childs biblical worldview, lying is an easy and efficient way to ruin his or her love for truth. Dave and Eric show you how easy it is to spin half-truths, tall ta... more >>

If you are hoping to compromise your child's biblical worldview, lying is an easy and efficient way to ruin his or her love for truth. Dave and Eric show you how easy it is to spin half-truths, tall tales, and bald-faced lies. Visit Insight for Parents for more parenting resources.

The new atheists and your child

Conservative talk-show host and columnist, Dennis Prager explains how a generation raised with a secular humanist worldview is making best sellers out of books by neo-atheists, The God Delusion, by Richard Dawkins; God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything, by Christopher Hitchens; and Letter to a Christian Nation, by Sam Harris:

The secular indoctrination of a generation that has grown into adulthood is bearing fruit. Unless one receives a strong religious grounding in a religious school and/or religious home, the average young person in the Western world is immersed in a secular cocoon. From elementary school through graduate school, only one way of looking at the world -- the secular -- is presented. The typical individual in the Western world receives as secular an indoctrination as the typical European received a religious one in the middle ages. I have taught college students and have found that their ignorance not only of the Bible but of the most elementary religious arguments and concepts -- such as the truism that if there is no God, morality is subjective -- is total. (Read Entire Article)

There is really nothing new about neo-atheism. The denial of God is as old as the Scriptures. David even reserves a special name for folks like Dawkins, Hitchens, and Harris: fools. But I am convinced that the tide of tolerant (even eager) acceptance of humanism and atheism today means that it is more important than ever that Christian parents commit themselves to vigilance about establishing a biblical worldview in the heart of their child.